Good cells/naughty cells

Catherine is starting to lose her hair. I noticed it this morning as I was brushing it. She had a tangle in her hair and as I was trying to untangle it with the comb, several strands came easily away. I thought that maybe I was mistaken, so ran my fingers over her hair. About five dark blonde strands came off on my fingertips. I don't think it will take long before it is all gone.

We have told Catherine that her hair is going to disappear for a bit. Basically, it is going to go away and hide for a while and then come back later. Catherine seemed ok with this, particularly when she knew she was going to be able to choose her own hair. Today we were given some new hair from the hospital hairdresser - it is very elegant and pretty and about the same colour as Catherine's hair. We are also looking into getting her some pink hair too!

While we were waiting for the appointment, Catherine decided she wanted to draw a picture of the good blood cells and the naughty blood cells. The good blood cells, it seems, are red with pink hair and they smile. The naughty blood cells are green and look miserable. We explained to Catherine a couple of weeks back that she had to have medicine for her naughty blood cells which have pushed away the good blood cells. This medicine means that the naughty blood cells will pack their suitcases and leave. Then the good blood cells can move back in. She also knows that the naughty blood cells mean she can catch germs more easily, so she needs to keep her hands clean. She made us laugh today by saying that the naughty blood cells are going to 'get told off by their mummies and daddies'.

Today the hospital visit went well. Catherine was quite nervous when she arrived but was more peaceful than usual. She was surprised that putting medicine in the wiggly on her portacath didn't hurt. Otherwise, she has been in a bad mood all day. Very fed up, snappy and tearful. She is also very clingy with me. This is not like my child.

I felt quite angry today; angry that she is only three and going through all this. I wondered about whether to put this on the blog, but I am trying to be as honest as I can about everything. Mark and I are looking forward to when the steroids are stepped down at the end of next week. We have to reduce them slowly but she should be completely off them in two weeks. She will then only need them for shorter stints during her later treatment.

We are now looking forward to a weekend at home and at the park if Catherine feels up to it.