It is now nearly 10pm and I should be sleeping, but just as I was about to go to our 'home from home' the nurses had trouble getting the required bloods. Catherine was distressed so I am still here, waiting to see if she needs a new canula.
People have asked me what it is like being a parent in this. I cannot speak for Mark but for myself one of the hardest bits so far is the feeling that, personally, I am not responsible any more. It is not up to me to decide what Catherine will be doing each day as this is now the doctor's remit. Her schedule is not arranged by me but by others and it is hard giving my daughter over to others, despite knowing they are doing the best for her. I spoke to a friend earlier and said that it is a bit like watching your little girl through a pane of glass: you can look at her and show your love, but something is preventing you from practically doing anything to really help. I explained this feeling to the nurse and she reassured me that all I needed to do was love Catherine. This was really clear this evening, as her hand really hurt, but all we did was look eachother in the eyes until it was finished. It was hard for me to hold back the tears as I got more and more cross that she was hurting but I couldn't protect her. However, I also found my role. All she had needed was me to be there and hold her and it was almost like she could get through anything. I know there will be times like this, and my faith in God is strong but I have to remember that He is in control now and not me.
Dawn
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8 comments:
Thank you for sharing the latest news with this fast growing community of people committed to prayer for Catherine, Mark and yourself.
Nursery Nikki is spending the weekend with us and the texts have been flying as well as the emails & blogs.
I pray that you find some measure of comfort and peace in all of this, and we shall be praying that Catherine has the strength to endure all that the treatment entails - the sore hand included.
May you know with certainty that as you hold your daughter's hand, God who loves you all extravagantly surrounds you with the love that never lets go.
Dear Dawn,
I was informed of the sad news regarding Catherine and alerted to your blog by our mutual friend Steph Fisher. I hope that everying goes well for Catherine. I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you as a parent. Best wishes, Hannah Dean (your previous GP)
Just to let you know that we are praying for you all at Bramwell House, Blackburn, especially for Catherine.
Mark, you came to conduct prayers at Bramwell House last week and spoke of those on the sides cheering and waving us along the way. Be assured we are cheering and waving you along the way with prayers of hope, prayers for strength and prayers for courage as you all face this difficult time together. Take care! David & Valerie x
Dear Dawn, Mark and Catherine
When I heard about Catherine the verse in Joshua 1:9 came to mind -"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go".
We've been on holiday this week, but I passed on the news to Paul and asked that the house group at church pray for you this week. They were probably praying for Catherine in Great Ormond Street though - it's a good job God knows these things!!
We will continue to pray for you all.
And we will get to the park one day!
God Bless - and love to Catherine
Rachel, Chris, Sam and Alex (the boys!)
Hello
Just wanted to let you know that I am praying for Catherine and for you both.
We met Catherine at the farm, when the playgroup were visiting. My girls loved playing with Catherine.
Thinking of you.
God bless
Jane, Lucy and Lexie
Dear Dawn and Mark
I was alerted to Catherine's condition by Clare Allman.
My husband and I just want to let you know that you and Catherine are in our thoughts and prayers. We understand something of what you are experiencing right now. Our son was diagnosed with AML just before his second birthday (1985). His prognosis was poor and at a crucial point when he was very ill (suffering from colitis)I received a scribbled and brief note from a friend who was anxious to tell me that whilst she had been praying for James, she felt the Lord wanted me to know -'Trust in Me and lean not on your own understanding'. That was not new scripture but is was a most profound revelation to me. It is not easy to dismiss knowledge you have and see beyond what your eyes are seeing, but it is the beginning of faith. I just wanted to share that episode with you.
James was in hospital for eight months during which time God did some amazing things and touched many lives.
James was healed 18th April '86. (He is now 6'2" and was recently made YPBL)
Our love to you all
Marilyn and Barrie
Go back and tell Hezekiah, the leader of my people, 'This is what the LORD, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you. On the third day from now you will go up to the temple of the LORD"
2 Kings 20:5
just feel you should hear that God has heard and seen your pain!
PS i posted and deleted this cos I made some serious spelling mistakes!!!
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