Ramblings of a mother who should just have gone to bed

I am sitting here feeling sad. I should be in bed, but I am not.

I am thinking about Catherine when she was a baby. I am thinking about how outgoing and confident she was before she was diagnosed with leukaemia. I am thinking about how she loved climbing and rushing around all over the place. And I am thinking about how she is now.

OK, so people have told me that all her confidence should come back, but even now I see a difference in her. Her daredevil adventurousness has turned into feeling limited and uncertain. She knows she is limited physically and she is so much more cautious. The treatment and anaemia make her tired, unhappy and sometimes hurt, and even if it is for a phase, I do miss that cheerful feisty personality. Sometimes I see some of 'that Catherine', but othertimes I look at her and she looks a bit like a war weary little person who doesn't feel quite as safe as she once did.

Tonight she said to her daddy that she didn't want to have any more treatment. However, Mark explained that there was an end to the treatment and that she would get better but that she needed to take her medicines. Tomorrow we are back at the hospital for the day.

Hopefully when she looks back at this phase of her life she will not remember too much of the bad bits but more of the good bits...