'Bump'

Catherine is becoming very attached to 'bump', otherwise known as her unborn brother or sister. Every morning she comes in to give bump a cuddle, but many times today she has asked how bump is and whether she can have another hug with bump. Partly I think she is unsettled about the move, and she feels that 'bump' is her companion. It is quite sweet as she now addresses me as two people: 'Come on mummy and bump'.

She is still struggling with steroids, and doesn't feel like doing anything for very long. So she is basically bored but can't really be bothered to do anything to make herself feel better. She has had a few giggles today, though, but she has been very demanding. It gets frustrating when I can't do anything to make her feel any better. Only one more day of steroids to go until next month...hooray!

Steroid situation

The steroids are certainly taking their toll on Catherine and family this week. Catherine is being particularly clingy to me, but I cannot do anything right. It is already hard because we are trying to pack and clean to move house, and Catherine's friends have now already left. So most of the day we have been having disagreements, or I've suggested something, and Catherine has decided that she doesn't want it/like it/want to. So, bless her, she has been a limpet all day. Her immune system is down a bit too which doesn't help, and we are hoping that she will not catch anything in the next couple of days so that moving house is not delayed.

I am not looking forward to tomorrow, as the steroid effect only gets worse as the course goes on. We're all tired from the packing and cleaning schedule and Catherine is unsettled anyway. She has also had 'fizzily feet' from the Vincristine, but is more distressed about it than usual because of the steroids!!

The only way is up...!

Lasts and beginnings

Today was Catherine's last day at her local hospital before she moves to her new hospital in August and tomorrow is her last day at nursery. She had her Vincristine chemotherapy and is now back on steroids for five days. Hopefully the steroids will not make her much more emotional over what is already an emotional time.

She received information about her new school yesterday and was SO excited about seeing her name on the list of children. She was also excited to learn that there were 12 girls in her new class - lots of potential people to play with! I told her the number of boys, but it didn't have the same effect. She is very girly! At the moment she is desperate to have a go at a sleepover at her friends' houses. It makes me wonder quite how much actual sleeping would happen, but I'm sure she would have great fun. Our girl is growing up...

Grandparents and moving

We had a really good day yesterday visiting Catherine's Grandad. It always amazes me how she can go for ages without seeing her Grandparents but that she still has a special bond with them all. Her Grandpa is also visiting at the moment, but she found it very confusing that Nanny did not accompany Grandpa this time!

Having said that, Catherine is actually quite stressed at the moment. I thought I would have seen all Catherine's responses to stress through her treatment, but the 'moving house stress' is coming out much differently. She is getting a bit shouty and everything 'isn't fair'. So we keep having chats to talk through everything that is happening. I'm also giving her as much 'mum-time' as I can, because I find that this seems to help her. She knows that most of her friends will be leaving on Wednesday, and being a socialite (!), this is the bit that always hits hardest with Cath. During our summer placement, she spent most of it missing her friends! It is also weird for her seeing all her things packed up to take with us - she has spent half her life here and can only just remember moving the first time.

Anyway, she was a bit sick this morning so I'm going to keep an eye on her today. Her blood counts are good so she should be ok.

Latest hurdle with 14 months to go

Last night, Catherine asked her daddy why she had to have more medicines and bloods taken because she has had enough. She seems to be getting more distressed and fed up about having her bloods taken, and whatever we say, she just doesn't want to accept having to have all her treatment any more.

I can see why this might be happening now - we are moving a long way away from her friends and she will be starting a new school and hospital. Everything else is 'coming to and end' but her treatment hasn't also come to an end. It must be so frustrating and a bit confusing for her. Why should all this change, but why should she still have to be prodded with portacath needles and have her moods messed around with steroids? I think this seems to be what she is thinking. We keep explaining that her treatment stops her from becoming ill, but she is impatient now for the end of it. Only 14 months to go...

Please pray that she starts to feel more peaceful about things. She deals so well with everything, but it is still hard for her.

Sibling

Just a little post to say that Catherine will be having a brother or sister, due early next year.

Blood? No big deal

The weirdest thing happened to me the other day. I was watching a hospital programme briefly as I flicked through the channels and came across a scene showing an operation. I sat there gripped, watching the blood and gore. I didn't shy away. I didn't try and turn it over quickly. It all seemed so normal and natural.

I would NEVER have been able to watch a programme like this before Catherine's illness. I was always too squeamish - its why I never trained for the medical profession. And now I'm an officer in The Salvation Army, I've suddenly lost my fear for surgery, blood and hospitals. Surprising what a year in and out of hospital does for you...